Salutations. My name is Wigy. I've been playing games since I was 8. I'm 9 now, so you could imagine how hardcore of a gamer I am. I recently heard about this game called Super Mario Bros. for the NES. At first I was turned off of the game because it wasn't the same stupid rehashed fps bullshit that I love to eat up every year, but friends told me "Wow you little douchebag stop fucking camping.", so I figured I'd check it out.
Under the impression that this game was something revolutionary I started looking through wal-mart to find an NES. An assistant walked up to me asking me if I needed help looking for something. I told him no.
Completely lost for hope, I walked up to a Magic 8-Ball and asked it "Where can I find an NES?" It told me "Maybe." Awesome. Looking through the pawn shop the 8 Ball mentioned, I found a standalone NES, but it had black sharpie on it. Like, it was literally completely colored in black sharpie. Bringing up to the check-out, the wal-mart cashier looked horrified. I asked him what was wrong and he told me to take it for free.
"Kind of him" I thought. Walking out of the store I heard him say "Have a nice day!" That gave me a panic attack. I ran out of the store as fast as I could to try and catch my breath. Walking back home I noticed a trail of black sharpie markers on the ground, following it I came across BOOTMAN BILL's house. I walk in and see a fat man taking the labels off of old video games, opening them up, putting corpses of dead flies stuck to his fat rolls into them, closing them back up, coloring them with black sharpie, then finally pasting duct tape over them while writing names of video games in red sharpie on the duct tape. He was doing this same basic process with DVDs, except with the DVDs he was smearing the flies all over the ROM side of them.
Saying hi to him, he threw a disc at me. It was labelled exactly like this: "SUPR CAL OV DUDDY 5 TERBR ARCUD EDISHUN BLCK hEL POOPS 2". I decided to give it to my mentally retarded 12 year old friend named Jimbob McGibbinson Linguini Sausage-Nose the Fifth-Mcgee 2 the Electric Bugaloo, since he introduced me to gaming, and he loves Call of Duty. [http://trollpasta.wikia.com/wiki/CoD:_Black_Hell_Ops Maybe he'll make a story about the game one day and show it to me.] The fat man went back to his regular routine.
Dashing out as fast as humanly possible, I realized his mailbox flag was up. Being the mischievious little douchebag brat asshole I was, I decided to check his mailbox. It was full of a bunch of those odd games he had been making.
I shrugged it off and went back home. In my pool, I saw a baleen whale swimming around. I shrugged it off and opened the door. It was locked. I shrugged it off and went inside. I was eager to finally play the mario brother for the first time in my life! Until I realized I didn't have any of the cords for it or anything. Fuck. I shrugged it off, and placed my CALL OF DUTY™®: MODERN WARFARE® 3© disc inside of the NES. It started up and I was greeted with the CALL OF DUTY™®: MODERN WARFARE® 3© logo. Except it was all bloody and it read "SUPERDEATH MARIOHELL FUCKBROTHERS 666" It was hyper realistic. Just like the hamburger that came out of my dick when I saw that I was playing Super Mario Brothers. I pressed start, and Master Chief was waking up from Twilight Sparkle's bed in Banjo's house. Coronel Campbell said "I'm going out for a bit, but there's no need for you to worry. I'll be back by morning, but I don't want you leaving the house until then..." I could hear the screams while Campbell was talking. I heard a knock on my doorbell in real life. It was Coronel Campbell. I yelled "FUCK!" and went to the door. It was Coronel Campbell again. I asked him how he is this afternoon.
Coronel Campbell explained to me that Wario loves garlic six times, then pulled out a 6mm pistol, and killed himself six times. I thought it was just a hyper realistic glitch, so I shrugged it off and picked up his codec. It was Coronel Campbell. Coronel Campbell told me that he wanted to talk to Coronel Campbell. So I let Coronel Campbell talk to Coronel Campbell. Coronel Campbell told Coronel Campbell that he is the true Coronel Campbell and since Coronel Campbell is dead, Coronel Campbell will be the new Coronel Campbell. Coronel Sanders then hacked his way into the codec call and told Coronel Campbell to fuck off. I had enough of this shit so I shut it off and brought it into the house. I felt the need to note the time. It was 12:01 AM o' Clock.
Knowing now that Wario loves garlic, I went to the kitchen make some steak, since Wario is a vampire. Walking into the kitchen I noticed my broom was on the floor. I was starting to get creeped out. I knew this wasn't normal. What sort of sick bastard could make this kind of thing happen? While walking to get my steak, I tripped over the broom. That sent me over the line. I was scared shitless. I hastily retrieved the toaster that was cooking my steak and ran out of the kitchen, locking the [http://www.piercemillwork.com/wordpress/wp-content/gallery/cased-openings/lot-52-millcreek016-compressed.jpg hallway opening] behind me. Someone has to be in my home. What kind of malevolent evil force is haunting my very soul?
All thinking aside, I went back to the Clock. It said that the time was 12:05 AM. I almost had a heart attack. Who moved the hands on my clock? I proceeded to take the clock off the wall and smashed the damned thing into oblivion. I took the batteries from the smashed clock and finally sat down to play the mario brother.
Looking at the screen I noticed Mario was standing there. This creeped me out. How could he be just standing there when I'm not even holding the controller yet?! I decided to restart the game. It wouldn't power on. I shrugged it off and picked Luigi. After I got into the game I noticed something very odd. Luigi was taller than Mario. This had to be a glitch. I mean, in what game was Luigi EVER taller than mario? This must be a message. I plugged the batteries into my butthole furbished Nintendo 64 and noticed Luigi was asleep. He looked like this
Luigi starting talking about Ravioli. Ravioli? Ravioli is a form of pasta.. I've read enough creepypasta to know where this is going. I instantly turned the game off and smashed the lightbulb above my head accidentally because I saw a fly buzzing around it loudly as all fuck. I turned the game back on and started it. The game told me to turn back, so I restarted it. Mario's face was on the screen now, so I turned off the game because I figured it was a glitch. Turning it back on, Luigi's face and eyes were pouring blood. Finally, something that looks normal!
Now that I'm playing I guess I can tell you what the game is like. It was pretty normal, dead bodies sprawled everywhere, static in the background, sounds of blood playing backwards with satanic chants from hell; all the regular platformer stuff until I encountered a glitch. I was in the third floor of the castle, and I jumped into Tick Tock Clock. The hands stopped moving. That may not seem all that creepy, but what happened next will make you want to give your blessings to me. The whole clock was moving at an insane speed, and there was BLOOD RED coins sprawled across the level. I picked them all up and a yellow pentagram with a face that looked like it came out of hell appeared. I picked it up and then mario turned to the camera and gave me a satanic gesture.
I was extremely frightened, but since I am a very intelligent individual, I continued the game despite the glitch. I was ready to take on my first bowser fight for the first time after that hell of a clock.
Going through the level, I noticed that there were chestnuts walking around. After laughing for 3 hours straight I noticed that they had eyebrows. After that horrific display, I threw my toaster at the wall. It burned a hole straight through the wall. It landed in the pool where the Baleen whale was swimming around, and electrocuted it to death.
Heavily grieving for the whale, I decided to shrug the whale's death off as a glitch. I then got a call from Coronel Campbell. "Snake, that whale is extremely im--" I hung up the codec on him because I realized mid sentence that I was talking to Coronel Campbell.
Turning into the game, I saw Bowser choking on his own fire. I thought I'd help him out by swinging him by the tail. I threw him by accident. He went off the cliff then jumped back up, as if he was glitching, and said "hey man thanks" in Princess Peach's voice. "i would have been done for if you hadn't came along" said Bowser, as he shook my hand.
At this very moment, I realized that I was a video game
Leaving no time to waste, I hastily killed myself with the 6mm pistol Coronel Campbell sent to me in the mail.
Learning the secret to the castle through that last encounter with bowser I sought answers. I turned back into me and I went to the Baleen whale outside for answers.
"Do not jump into Wet-Dry world" said the Baleen whale's corpse. I then got a codec call from Wario. He said "FUCK YOU!!!!!!", then hung up.
After getting all the answers to life from Wario I decided to go back in the house for some more fun. I turned on the game and it told me "PRESS START TO SATANWILLFUCKYOURSKULL13TIMES" I pressed start and notice all my files had ONLY 666 stars. I was infuriated! All that time collecting 120 stars and all that trouble was erased in an instant. I was so mad that I moved the ROM file to the recycling bin! I decided angrily to angrily bring the flash drive back to Bootman Bill to tell him "I am angrily not pleased with your product!". I rode my blood to a house that said "Bootman Bill" only to have someone tell me:
"You do know that Bootman Bill died 13 years ago right?"
Yodeling angrily at the top of my lungs, I proceeded to shoot the man in the face with the 6mm pistol Coronel Campbell had used. I then angrily went to BOOTMAN BILL's house.
Each and every individual game he had produced had been covered in hyper realistic feces. I could see each individual particle of food in the feces. Bootman Bill came down the stairs and I told him that I was angrily having trouble with one of his products.
As if he was ignoring me, He started to build a structure out of the feces covered games and made a portal to Equestria. He jumped in. I chased after him.
Having not eaten the steak I made earlier, I started to regret all my delicious steak based decisions in life. After Wario had even told me the meaning of life, I still failed to understand. What was my true purpose? Is it here on the other end of this portal? I eagerly await the answers. At the other end of the portal I angrily fell to my [https://trollpasta.wikia.com/wiki/Hyperdeath_Not_Marioheaven_Brothers_666.2 death.]
Written by ResonantWill